I am an eternal fan for doing things that push against the status quo and going to a concert by myself without a drop of alcohol was one of those things.
On a visit to see my brother and sister-in-law in Salt Lake City, I decided to hit up a local small venue to see reggae band The Hip Abduction. When the friend that was going to join me had to bail, I decided to make this a delightfully enriching solo experience.
I’m not new to doing fun and exciting things on my own but going to a concert without a companion was a first for me.
There’s something about traveling and being in a new city that brings out my most extroverted self. I am more open to meeting new people, trying new things, striking up conversations with strangers.
Pro Tip: If you’re wanting to meet fellow singles without dating apps, go do more things that you genuinely love by yourself. Thank me later.
“Wherever You Go, There You Are”
This served as a reminder that I can take this version of me anywhere.
Then there’s also the sober aspect of this experience. For those that don’t remember, I spent all of 2020 sans booze, so this also wasn’t an entirely new experience, but I was a tad out of practice.
This was a welcome reminder that I am more me without alcohol. That experiences are more enjoyable when I’m not preoccupied with waiting for a drink at a crowded bar, how I’m going to get home, and if I’ll be hungover the next day.
I’m happy to announce that alcohol is once again losing its luster.
“What You Focus on Expands.”
I also learned, that in my quest to view all men as an avatar of my future life partner I will quickly zero in on the one person who makes me uncomfortable and disregard the 99% who are simply delightful.
There was the bartender who, when I asked for a non-alcoholic beer, said he sadly had none but gave me a $7 water for free.
There were the kind folks in front of me who invited me into friendly conversation.
There was the man in the back, also on a solo mission, who was kind and conversational.
There was the man who gave me a proud fist bump as I happily walked out of the show alone.
There was the man who worked there who, as I was leaving, smiled at me warmly and wished me a good night like he truly meant it.
But there was the one man who I ended up standing next to near the front of the stage. We talked briefly amongst a group but when the show started, I focused my attention on the happy-go-lucky reggae beats pouring out of the band right in front of me. Throughout my 90 minutes in that spot, he would continue to peer at me unapologetically, letting his gaze linger, not saying a word, in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable.
Nearly every woman knows this gaze. It’s one that makes you feel like prey. It makes you feel like he’s looking at you as if you are there to please him. And it is a terrible feeling.
I chose to relocate after I realized by body was now closed off and contracting despite the heart-opening and rhythmic tunes I sadly had stopped swaying to.
I could have said something to him. I could have asked for him to avert his gaze. I could have assumed this best and not taken his gesture as predatory.
But my response was to move. And in that moment, no matter what I did, I realized I had choice. I am not helpless.
But it wasn’t until I was driving home that I realized I had let that one person leave a bad taste in my mouth for too long.
What would happen if I viewed these more unsavory experiences as an opportunity to either:
- assume no ill intent and ask for clarity if needed
- Set a boundary and speak up in a kind but empowered way
- Simply move myself to a space that feels better and – this is the kicker – then focusing on and celebrating acting in a way that feels best for me instead of focusing on the experience that felt bad (or needing to make a person “bad”).
I am so grateful for experiences like this that allow me the opportunity to understand myself and others better. And these opportunities are abounding when we are willing to immerse ourselves in new and sometimes uncomfortable scenarios, spend time alone, acknowledge and understand our feelings (and what they’re communicating to us), and take inspired action based on that understanding that honors our preferences.
Cheers to more sober, solo experieces, my friends!
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